To my Love .

In about two months from today marks two years since I was aware of your existance,At that exact time you definitly were the best thing that might have happened to me ,now, looking back you probably are the worst thing that have come across in my 20 almost 21 years of life .

You barely cross my mind lately,but today morning poetic justice by Kendrick Larmar rose your ashes, why am I like this? Ever since I met you everyone else became non existant , and after you left they all turned to prawns on my chessboard.

I remember how we would confide in eachother during our aimlessly strolls in a barely known environment to us both, I remember feeling warm and safe in your arms , how you pulled me away from the road to ensure my safety.how you would laugh at my not so funny jokes, how you would pull me away from cars that drove towards me, why don’t I throw myself at a moving vehicle now that you aren’t here, cause what’s the point?

I must admit I miss how you would take me to heights of happiness without even trying, after you left I drove myself to peaks of madness ,I turned bitter towards everyone and almost everything and would cry myself to sleep.How I Stared at the only picture I had of us and in between sobs I would ask God to take the pain away.

What was is it with you anyway? You were awkwardly skinny, your fashion sense unremarkable, and your shoes ever dirty. You were defined and disformed by your previous afflictions .But I loved you.I loved how you gave me all what you had to give, money you didn’t have, time you couldn’t waste , I loved that I had all your attention.

You were my world and after you left it all crashed down.In case you’re wondering how I turned out after my heart was as empty as a purse with only two or three coins.I filled up the space with your not so admirable traits. I baldy shaved my hair, I am overly sarcastic, I lie, I lie about where I am or who have been with, I lie to people that I love them and even go to an extent of showing just how much I do, I act like I care but I don’t.and when i get bored my mind wanders to you and how perfect you are.I dont cry anymore mostly cause my tears ran dry after a whole year of shamelessly tearing up for you.

I like what am gradually turning to but at times I get scared of being you.Have been called names , have been accused of being mean and ruthless yet I sleep like a baby at night.Nights that have dreamt of you hoping to see your face when I wake up.I miss you.

The heart is an artist that paints over what profoundly disturbs it, leaving on the canvas a less dark, less sharp version of truth, similarly I really can’t get a sharper glimps of what mighy have happened between us,but am sorry for not giving you my all when I had the chance.Because all I ever wanted was the best for you .I LOVE YOU .

Aagh sh*t here comes the tears again.