Essesnce

What is your Essence? This is one of those questions my film teacher  asked as he explained something about caricature as a form of art,my mind was glued to the concept of essence ,it itched my brain ,I was captivated by its significance,have always known that  I’m a tall girl with a big nose ,quite noticeable features but I wanted to know more ,what energy do I give,I wanted to see me from another’s perspective.

My Essence? For me to find my Essence I had to know who I am, I had to find myself first ,my lecturer said Essence is what makes you ,you.so I embarked on a never-ending journey of  self exploration.Self-reflection as a regular practice has not only helped me align my choices with my authentic self but also fostered a deeper understanding of the essence I wish to project to the world.I have always been passionate about literature and deeply in love with the arts.

A cinematographer, that has been my dream for a while now, but my mother begs to differ,Every time I’m about to leave the house she has something to say about my choice of clothes, she says something like, do you even know how beautiful you are? you could pass for a really good model ,you only have to fix your eyes. I don’t like how your spectacls sit on your face ,must you dress like a small boy?I hate that you love dad jeans,why don’t you get ladylike clothes that aren’t too baggy? If only you could lose those glasses for contact lenses, then everyone would mistake you for Miss universe, I’m flattered that she thinks I’m beautiful but disappointed that she doesn’t find my style artsy like a random stranger from the other day ,I was delighted that he labelled me as artistic just by looking at me ,I have always hoped that I gave of artistic vibes,but the struggle to articulate my passion for literature as a valid art form led me to emphasize my love for photography ,the more he asked about my artistic journey,I couldn’t escape the feeling that only by working as a Director of Photography would I proudly and unequivocally proclaim, “I am an artist.”

A teacher ,you must be, says my dad ,have seen you with kids and you are really good with them,I hate to confess but I’m really not a fan of little humans, kids love me but I really don’t fancy them I don’t mind being around them ,Maybe I just have one of those warm and approachable personalities, my cousin said ,I would make a great mother if I ever had children, but why would my dad want to convince me that I’m a teacher and not an artist? so ,I ran to my grandfather for help I want him to help me tell my dad that I can’t be a teacher but instead he takes his side and talks about teaching being a calling and how lucky I am to have an organization tu educate others ,he goes on on how I could start one of those organisations that deal with children preferably girls after winning a beauty pungent, he even calls my grandmother in to back him up into convincing me that I could easily pass for Miss Kenya, Don’t they get it? I don’t enjoy being in the spotlight, I’m not that good at public speaking. Do they know how anxious I get when people look at me?Hello…, don’t they see how shy I get around people have just met ?I guess they weren’t so keen the last time I had to make a speech during one of those family functions, my voice was shaky and I just wanted to be done with it.Ever seen a shy teacher? ,I can’t even walk in a straight line. How am I supposed to win a beauty pungent? I’m not made for the spotlight. I belong behind the scenes.

An airhostess, that’s the job for you says my aunt as she sends me endless applications for the job ,your smile is vibran and your height is just perfect for the job,my other aunt calls my Mother to give a list of modeling agencies I should join ,So I seek my brother’s opinion he’s only a preteen but I should be able to trust his judgement, so I ask ,”nakaa kufanya kazi gani?” And without hesitation, he says,”kwa nini usikuwe Airhostess?” I look at him for a while and ask “mbona nikuwe Airhostess?” he answered.”Si hiyo tu ndio kazi inakukaa.“I was a bit offended. Why don’t they think I could work in the film industry? Anyways I don’t think I’ll make a good Airhostess besides I’m short sighted and some random site on the Internet said my eyes should perfectly work,Ihave never seen an Airhostess with their seeings glasses on but I’ll give it a try I guess maybe the know me better ,I didn’t tell them that the last time I was in for an interview,(one of the requirements for the Airhostess job was experience in customer service), so I applied for a call agent position, after the interview the interviewer said my articulation was fit for the job but I don’t know how to verbally express myself,Maybe when my eyes don’t need glasses to see and my words could fluently fly out of my mouth and not on paper then maybe then I’ll meet their expectations but for now I want to express myself through my art ,I want my work to speak for me ,I can’t wait for the time I’ll stop doubting my abilities and finally put myself out there.

A wedding and three weekends around my family members, that’s what it took for me to finally understand if not uncover my essence, Having growing up surrounded by a polygamous family with intermarried relatives from diverse backgrounds,My Essence is a beautiful fusion of their unique traits, beliefs and personalities,embracing diversity from an early age ,their influence has shaped my beliefs, values and artistic vision. Growing up I would observe and listen to their stories I didn’t care that I didn’t understand everything then but thanks to my exceptional memory and adult knowledge that I’m gaining a deeper understanding of their experiences and some traditions, The sense of diversity from my family has given me a richer appreciation of life,it fuels my desire to capture and showcase stories on the silver screen .I aim to capture the subtle nuances of the world and present them with captivating visual narratives.

An artist ,I believe I am ,an artist who strives to bring beauty and understanding to the world through cinematography, I aim to use my artistic skills to open the eyes of others to the beauty that lies beyond the surface, just as it does within me,sucks that people around me don’t see me beyond the physical, I am more than what meets the eye,An ‘artist’ with an artistic vision.