Love and light 🖤🖤

I strongly believe that Everyone has a part of their life that is filled with uncertainty, We all have self doubts , built up anger,we may be filled with fear,groundlessness,frustrations and it probably shouldn’t be a problem.

We are free to engage with our inner-selves and respond to the uncertainty of the universe and I really don’t see why people jump onto the word ‘insecure’ to brand a person for being self conscious.

I’m expected to smile and laugh all the time, and I feel like I’m mostly thinking. In reality, I know I’m probably not coming across as ugly or emotionally and mentally disturbed as I feel I am,but my experience is very much real to me.

Growing up receiving a lot of negative energy from friends,teachers and sometimes family might have taken a toll on me. There are days I wake up tired and wish life could come with an on and off button so I can have the privilege to turn mine off.

I don’t know if am living life in the right way,but on days I don’t wish death upon my life I only have enough enthusiasm for living through that day.

I spend large chunks of my time trying to picture how amazing life would be if I wasn’t me,how easier my life would be if I wasn’t the same height as the boys in my class,if my shoulders were less broad, I sometimes feel people would treat me better if only I had a perfect set of eyes that don’t need glasses to see,maybe people would finally think I was amazing if my teeth were smaller or maybe if I got better brains I would probably know what to do when things are tough.

I can’t even tell who I am anymore.I am always racing with the demons in my head. I get lost in my own thoughts,I keep comparing myself to people I look up to and all I’ll be is dissatisfied with my life.if only I could live life differently.

I sometimes hate that am too nice to people that don’t deserve my attention,I hate myself for being kind and giving my love to people who only gift me a broken heart in return.

I’m usually quick when it comes to tearing myself down ,assigning myself the title ugly or dumb or incompetent, and it’s interrupting my ability to live my life, interact with people, go to school,I need to believe more in myself and my strengths, but I don’t know how to get there.